So it’s been almost a year since my last blog entry and I’ve
had time to reset my mind and rearrange my priorities. Why would I feel the
need? Well, I got seriously wrapped up in the idea of that 2 hour half marathon
time that I forgot the other parts of life that make it worth living. I was
pushing myself so hard and yet I was
depressed at my results and new that my physical condition would not allow me
to push any harder without compromising the one thing I was running for in the
first place, my health.
I won’t lie. It hit me pretty hard coming to the realization
that the 2 hour goal would more likely kill me rather than extend my life. I
was laser focused on that 2 hour goal and was compromising my health to do so.
It’s funny how the human mind can get so absorbed with the notion of a goal
that you are willing to compromise so much to get there. In some cases, this
can be a good thing. I would go to the ends of the earth for my wife and
daughter. I’d compromise my entire existence to keep them from harm if need be
and not bat and eye in deciding. I’d compromise so much of this life for more important
things like, spreading the love that this world needs these days. Or bringing a
smile to the face of a stranger through some randomly silly act I pull in
public. Debbie says that one of my qualities she loves most is my sense of
humor and how I can make people laugh without even trying sometimes.
What’s that? Do is still run? Yes! You bet! But, these days
I’m running for my health not for what little fame I had gained among a select
few people online and here in my home town. I no longer feel the need to create
a facebook post of every run just to see how many likes and comments I can get.
Besides, I’d ran out of fans on facebook
& twitter saying they were inspired
by my story and this also contributed to my loss of interest in training as
hard as I did. Pretty shallow huh? To think that one of the contributing factors
to my loss of interest was the dimming of the spotlight that had been focused
on me? How selfish and narcissistic can one person get? I’m ashamed to even
admit this now after rediscovering the happiness that comes from within
nowadays.
So between my disappointment in my physical limitations, and
my realization that I was not the center of attention anymore, I just jumped
off the train for a while to reestablish myself as the person that I really am.
I’m a confident realist with a silly side who clings to all things real in this
life. I’m driven toward goals that energize me and those around me. I love to
laugh and take life one moment at a time without taking any of this life for
granted.
Will I continue blogging? Hmm..I don’t have an honest answer
for that question just yet. I suppose that depends on factors that I have very
little control over. Being honest, I can get the same therapeutic effect from
my prose by saving it on my personal computer and never publishing the
writings. It’s the idea of getting the words out that helps me so much. Perhaps
if anyone finds further value or inspiration from blog entries about all the
other things in this “Life after Quadruple Bypass” then I will continue. And if you are among those that feel this way please let me know. But,
it won’t be my focus or need for attention that motivates me. Rather, the
knowledge that I may be helping someone somewhere deal with the effects of cardiovascular
disease and the life changing effect it has. Not only on the patient, but the family. I tend to think Debbie suffered far greater than I did during the operation. She was the one put through the emotional ringer while the surgeons dealt with the complications during the surgery. I just had to lay there unconscious.
And perhaps that might be a good subject to cover moving forward. Talking about the effects that cardiovascular disease can have on a patients family. Who knows?
But, blog or no blog, you can be certain that I’m making the
conscious choice to be happy regardless. Because….
Happiness is a Choice; Make it Daily
